The Desolation Of Smaug Thorin And Thranduil HD

This Modeling Thing

Okay so a lot of people don't know that I did a pageant thing and actually won..yeah...I was kind of shocked too. It was a pretty interesting experience, one I'm not sure I'd readily embark on again but I did learn a lot about myself and about people in general but I digress.

Ever since winning, I've thought about actually becoming a model but I don't want to waste my time. Not everyone who becomes a model becomes successful and I already feel so insecure of my body at times. Yeah I know everyone is a little insecure but being a model means you have to be comfortable with who you are and what your body looks like otherwise the world of drugs and anorexia will be waiting to welcome you and I'm terrified of that.

I just think I was created to do something a little bit above the ordinary. I've been asked more than once if I model but I don't even know if I'm tall enough or skinny enough to pull it off really..but again that's probably my insecurities speaking.

Do I give it a shot or hope the wanting/feelings pass?

I am...

I can't ever really knowing how to describe myself to people and the question, 'what kind of person are you?' has always been followed by a long pause in which I wrack my mind to find words to describe what type of person I am, but to this day, I can't. I want to... I want to be able to readily describe myself to people who ask. I want to be able to answer the question that I ask myself even. But the truth is, maybe others can answer that question better than I can, because with me what you see if what you get. I don't believe in hiding my emotions, I wear it on my sleeve and proudly.

Though...I don't trust easily and this is both a strength and a tragic flaw of mine, one I don't know if I should fix or leave as is. There are a few words that come to me though when I try to piece words together to describe me.

Guarded
I think I explained this when I said I don't trust easily but trust to elaborate, I can know you for years and be extremely close and not reveal the simplest secret or fear or even aspiration. People are often disconcerted by this but it's not you..it's me....cliche but true.

Passionate
I love hard, and I laugh hard and I never try to quench my passion once's lighted and often times when I try I fail, this is why I don't love easily because I feel too deeply.

So yeah, I think I did pretty well in my 'introduction'. Hopefully I'll be inspired enough to keep this blog active.